hi this is a personal blog and i update it whenever i want, whenever i have things to blog about.

a pokemon master. love good food, design and singing. can be kinda dramatic at times [inserts lots of coughing]

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Friday, November 4, 2011 7:32 AM
Not everything goes smoothly in life!

Here's a photo of Yu ha min looking all cool...

and this is how he looks like without all those eyeliner shits and smiling... *O*

(I know it's him cuz of his tattoo, can you spot it?)

I'm posting a photo of him not because I like him (I know NOTHING about him) but because I like how he looks - there's a huge difference between really liking a person and liking how he looks. He's my favourite Korean ulzzang (what favourite, he's the only one that I know lololol) and his face has been my msn dp since the beginning of this year. I love how he looks like an anime character (HE SHOULD BE A COSPLAYER JUST LOOK AT HIM!!!!!). I feel so shallow liking a person's look only though. But oh well he's the only one on my list, heh.

Today went just fine, not any happier or any sadder but just fine. Had OP dry runs and it went better than I expected. At least I wasn't shaking so much like I always do, managed to hold my script quite firmly (still not that good but definitely better than usual). I was trying my best not to be super nervous, being over-nervous will definitely ruin my whole presentation! x( I need to stand properly though and stop crossing my legs while presenting just because I'm nervous. I NEED TO BE MORE CONFIDENT ARGH WHERE DID MY CONFIDENCE GO?! Oh I forgot, I never have any confidence in the first place, tsk.

Having stage fright seriously sucks. I used to be rather confident standing in front of a crowd when I was young but now I'm like a complete coward. Thinking back, it's likely that my stage fright got worse and worse each year because of the failures that I've experienced on stage.
The first time I acted in a stage drama was when I was like primary 5 (or 6?) and together with some of my other classmates we represented the school for something like a competition. The preparation went well but I suddenly got nervous on the actual day and stuttered my lines on stage during the performance in front of a huge crowd. We didn't win anything at all in the end - even the teacher-in-charge looked really disappointed and just somehow I managed to conclude that the reason we didn't win anything was because of me. I felt so guilty and bad towards my classmates and teachers who had put in all their efforts to prepare for the drama.
The other time was during sec2 when we have sort of like an inter-class competition (or was it within the lower sec I can't remember) and we have to do Chinese stage drama. The preparation - ALMOST EVERYTHING - went really well, I was doing quite good during rehearsals too (not that I'm praising myself lar but I'm kind of a dramatic person LOL) Everyone was going on about how we'll definitely put up a great show blah blah blah but thanks to me - I FREAKING MADE A MISTAKE IN ONE OF MY LINES NEARING THE END. Nobody said anything but I felt super guilty and ajsdhsjhadfjkshfkhs because I really had fun during rehearsals and thought that we would have a chance of winning or something but I just have to sort of ruin it AGAIN. Why is it always me that makes a mistake? :( Went out with Huien that day (yep mentioned that in one of my previous blog posts) and we were talking about it and it seems like she didn't remember me making a mistake until I specifically brought up the fact that I did said something wrongly in one of my lines. But something like this is going to be forever in one of my unforgettable memories, argh. Can't help but feel bad about how I'm always ruining the performance. SIGH.
And so. I have stage fright. I guess I can only be dramatic in front of friends but not in front of everyone hahaha.