Manage me, I'm a mess

Sorry for not updating for days...(if any of my awesome irl friends cyber friends are still visiting this site :\) I wanted to blog about my trip in Indonesia during the holiday - I even uploaded all those ugly photos on Blogger already, except that I haven't type out a proper post for the photos so they're all stuck in my drafts urgh I'm such a lazy pig. Oink. I'll try to get it in the next few posts or something, heh.

Anyway. 9th was the first day of school, so I'm a j2 student now. It feels all awkward, I mean, j2 - seriously??! I'm feeling like some old woman here who's gonna turn 18 in about a month's time, how disgusting. Now, where's the youth fountain when I need it? :(
First day of school went just fine, we assembled in the cc and listened to all those new year speech and blah blah blah it's an extremely important year for us we need to stay focused alevel's coming we need to work hard and DIE yep all those usual stuff (sorry for sounding so -meh- but I wasn't really in the mood for talks about alevel coming oh god) We were even told when all our exams are (okay so at least for this year we're better informed I guess, unlike last year when we only know about our exams dates at the last minute which was totally hell maaaan) So yep the first paper's gonna be geog which is next Monday. AHSJKDHKAHFKSKDFK CAN'T THEY AT LEAST SPARE ME A MINUTE OR TWO TO RELAX FIRST. And so to cut the long story short, we have six more exams to go before alevel (holy crap pass me the puke bag please)
But basically, since it was only the first day of school then some of the tutors are nice enough the spare us for the day by talking about disciplinary stuff etc so somehow I managed to get through the first day still feeling okay, heh. I remember the econs lecture on Monday too it was fun! Okay actually I always enjoy econs lecture (wut) but I never really like econs tutorials at all and now even though I'm making my feelings towards econs sound neutral I have no idea why I'm always flunking econs urgh omg tasukete kudasai (/drama queen shiiiat)
And um, I ate pratas (ONE CHEESE ONE EGG - forever ordering the same thing lol) on 9th omg I miss eating pratas I didn't get to eat any at all during the hols ;_;

Haha I'm sorry for typing stuff that are so random that nobody's gonna bother reading and I'm just typing whatever's coming to my mind now because I feel like ranting.
So, on the second day of school, my class stayed in our homeroom (OMG YES NOW THAT WE'RE J2 WE HAVE OUR OWN HOMEROOMS OMG FINALLY D102! - not that it makes any difference but yep ._.) for like 2.5hours - with 1.5 hours of GP and another hour of H2 Math. Oh the horror. My attention span is definitely shorter than that, and um it's actually roughly at 40 to 50 minutes (yes I've counted) so I was totally dozing off like a boss hobo and spent my time thinking about (actually I forgot what I was thinking about already lol)
Well actually Tuesday went not so well because the results for the students taking LUE were released and there were, erm, bad news... here and there and everywhere. Hmm.
I feel really guilty, really. Those who had to take LUE but didn't make it and had to retained, I was almost in the same situation with them. BUT OH LADY LUCK SAVED ME and the final results added my Olevel HCL's result in so I somehow managed to scrape through my j1 year without getting retained. I'm such a cheater. I don't deserved to be promoted at all. And everytime I wanted to talk about school stuff with friends who got retained I'll end up hurting their feelings or something and I feel so bad about it (because there's nothing else that I can talk about already, the only thing currently happening in my life is school, school and school oh my sajc, gah)
I can't even complain about how being a j2 sucks properly without getting comments on how I'm lucky to get promoted already so I should zip my mouth up. Sorry guise.
But honestly, I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so sick of this. I'm don't even dare to talk about school stuff on Twitter because I'll end up feeling all guilty and shit again since I'll be annoying my followers. I'm such a bitch. Sorry, really sorry.

I wish I'm a robot. Okay this isn't supposed to be funny. Because by being a robot, I won't get distracted by all those feelings of uncertainty and shit anymore - in fact, I won't feel a single thing at all! How nice would that be. I won't even be able to think about how tired I am and how sick I am of studying and how much I want to procrastinate and not give a damn to my homework and everything else. Also, if I'm a robot, I definitely won't be missing any lessons at all, I'll even be able to pay 100% attention to the lecturers during lecture instead daydreaming away or sleeping like a pig. I won't miss a single guitar practice too then, I'll be punctual for everything, I won't care if anybody left me out, I won't feel hurt when people comment on how ugly I look, I won't get sick of studying because I can't feel a thing. And being a robot, I won't think about stuff other than studies then, so I'll always have the facts all memorized already.

Wait. What was I talking about.

I don't know anymore.


And. Third day of school. Which is today, but since it's already past 12 I should say - yesterday. There's only one lesson (luckilyyyy) before school ended cuz it's SA's open house today! YAY ME. I don't have any duties on (because I didn't go for the meeting the day before :\) so I left school pretty early, about 10.10am or so? Spent almost the entire bus ride sleeping. Freaking tired.

Dead.
PSSHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Not going to school today. Gonna stay home and cry do my homework and revise for the geog paper on the coming Monday. Urgh.

Sorry for a boring post and thanks for those who read (I don't think anybody will bother reading ALL lol)